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What a whirlwind Chicago has been. Cancelled flights, a destroyed marriage and a literal rock opera. 

This is a recount of the whole saga. 

10 year old me would never believe that I would be at Billy Corgan’s teahouse to celebrate 30 years of MCIS, let alone be going to an Opera that night come hell or high water.

SATURDAY NOV 29 - WE’RE GOING TO CHICAGO, NO MATTER WHAT

Saturday Morning I’m at Toronto’s cute city airport. There’s not a cloud in the sky. It’s 9:30am when Nicki meets me at the back of the 416 lounge. I have a terrible sandwich and a decent enough 9oz of merlot worth a small fortune when Nicki tells me “My brother just told me there’s been 80 cancelled flights in Chicago because of snow. I went to the desk here though and they said they didn’t hear anything.” Nicki matched me in wine and we chatted about all the fun we were going to have in Chicago and caught up. We had plans to go to the Laugh Factory in Chicago that evening and we knew a lot of fans who would be descending upon the city for the Mellon Collie opera. We were excited to be going to closing night the next day - something we had planned since April and anticipation was rising.

10 minutes before boarding - our flight got cancelled. The announcement says they could get us on the next flight… on Tuesday. Which for us makes zero sense as that’s the day we are coming home. But, we have to get to Chicago. To us there is no other option. We spring into problem solving action. We immediately look online at car rentals. If we leave right now we can be in Chicago by 8pm tonight, easy. We might miss our comedy show but we’d wake up in Chicago the next morning. Nicki calls her brother and we get the okay to borrow his car. Thanks Paul if you’re reading this you know what SP means to us. Wait. Let’s think about this. We’re allowed to borrow his car but then we have to drive it back. Gross. We already have a flight booked on the way back. We consider this an option but how nice it would be to get home in 2 hours and not an 8 hour drive. We think, train, bus? I refuse the bus. The train doesn’t make sense. We go to Hertz. The guy at the desk tells us some story about how they need a special car with US plates and all this to go one way. Okay buddy, nice chat but we gotta go we gotta figure this out. Bye. We go to Enterprise. Alistair at the desk is an angel. He has a car for us. Brand new and can go to Chicago. $600 later Nicki is in the parking lot learning how to drive this new car for a whole 30 seconds before the ferry is here to take us to the mainland. We’re laughing at the absurdity of it all.  We got the only car they had. Our spirits are high. We are on our way to Chicago baby!

We’re on the road. We’re now adjusting to our new itinerary. Nicki and I have done many a road trip together before. This was about to shape up to be another one of our wacky SP adventures. We laugh that there’s literally nothing else we would do this for. If it was a beloved family member's wedding, a funeral, anything else we simply would have already been back home in bed. We count our blessings that we had the funds aside to do this. Nicki told me she heard a saying that was, “If you have a problem that money can solve, and you have the money, then you don’t have a problem.’ It kinda became the theme of our trip. 

We’re driving the Sarnia way. I’m excited that I see an airport named after Chris Hadfield who I just saw at an event in Massey Hall. Nicki and I are gabbing and gleeful, listening to tunes. I keep saying “The sky’s are so clear it can stay this way all the way to Chicago please.” We stop for food. The news is saying planes are grounded at O’Hare and Midway. It starts to sink in that there actually is a snow storm. We keep driving. I mention that we should mentally prepare that we might also have to get a hotel on our way if the roads are too bad. In my head I think: We’re Canadian. We can take it. Maybe it’s tricky for planes but surely we’ll be able to get there tonight. 

Back in the car, I’ve never heard this before but google maps keeps saying “The I-94 is closed due to severe weather which may impact your trip. For your safety it is not recommended to take alternate routes.” I’m sorry Google, do you not understand I have important SP stuff to do? I’m getting to Chicago snowstorm be damned. 

We get to the border. Our border guard is friendly, fun almost. “Do you have any food, tobacco, alcohol, or cannabis to declare?’ Nicki says “No,” “...livestock, pets or animals?” Nicki says “Noooooooooooooo?” in sort of the same way Norm Macdonald says it to Artie Lange in Dirty Work when he’s lying. So, unsurprisingly we were selected for a horticultural inspection. I know we didn’t have anything nefarious in the car but it was hilarious to us how we were chosen. We pull our car in and are asked to go into the office while they search our car. It’s always a little nerve wracking at the border. “What if I forget I own a gun?” The inspection is quick. The border agent likes my Coach purse and we leave. Nicki and I laugh that this trip is going to be full of obstacles and triumphs. 

Google maps reminds us the I-94 is closed. 

Just over the border in Michigan I start seeing dead deer on the side of the road. Not one or two. I start playing the count-the-dead-deer game. I make it all the way to 15. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a dead deer on the road and in the first hour over the border I see 15. What the hell is going on in Michigan?

We keep driving. It’s dark early and the visibility is getting worse. Snow. Google maps is nagging, pleading with us to not do what we’re doing. For the most part people are driving cautiously. To the people who are tailgating I said “I wish you a nice life together… for the next 5 minutes.” as they would surely die soon from being so reckless. 

We’re almost to Kalamazoo and the roads are terrible, not plowed and visibility is getting even worse. Not to mention we are driving INTO the storm. We’re still hours away from Chicago, Nicki’s white knuckling the steering wheel, I’m having to help navigate the roads like a lost ships skipper. I plug “hotel” into the google maps and we’re at a holiday inn in 10 minutes. Perfect timing. I almost expected google maps to be like “See, I told ya.”

“Do you have a reservation?” The concierge asks. “We don’t even know where we are - We would like a room please.” We’re in Marshall Michigan. Despite everything we’re still in a great mood. It turns out we loved this hotel stay. The beds were so cozy. There was a 24h Denny's and a convenience store where I could stock up on ciders. At that moment we had everything we needed as the snow pummeled us. We watched a documentary on Kobe, drank ciders and honestly had a great sleep in the plush beds before getting up to our 5am alarm so we could be on the road again. We only rented the car for 24 hours. We really need to get the car to Midway airport by 10am and we don’t know what the roads are going to be like. 

Before bed I text my friend Geo.

Charmaine: You going to be in Chicago tomorrow?

Geo: Yes! You?

Charmaine: Yes! I should have been there already but my flight was cancelled. I had to drive and now I’m staying overnight near Kalamazoo - the weather’s so bad.

Geo: Yikes! Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow!

Charmaine: I’ll walk!

SUNDAY NOV 30 - OPERA DAY (CLOSING NIGHT)

There’s so much snow. The news tells us thousands of flights have been grounded in Chicago and it’s the most snow in November that Chicago has ever had. 12 inches. I borrow a broom from the concierge and broom off the car. Today’s the day. The roads aren’t great but they’re manageable. It’s dark. At least it will be getting lighter now and the roads have been mostly plowed where they’re not windswept. We’re stopped at a red light and a plane very closely flies over us to the runway. “That could have been us!” 24 hours later and we have arrived at the airport to drop off the car. WE MADE IT!

We get to our hotel. Someone else’s popeye’s is left in our fridge. Yummy. We immediately have to get ready to go to Madame Zuzu's Corgan's tea house for the 30th Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness celebration event. I had been to the previous Zuzu’s which was lovely but this new space is incredible. It’s spacious with lots of additional SP memorabilia added for the MCIS exhibit. There’s special merch for the event and I am in SP heaven. There’s a lot of fans and band members mingling about and over the speakers they’re playing the new MCIS box set and it sounds incredible. My friend Geo tells me about the artifacts. We take pictures and hang about. I’m truly in my happy place. I posted a photo I took in the Zuzu’s photo booth there for the event and they re-share it. I feel spiffy. 

Nearby there’s a tower that is on the cover of the Oceania album. We go for a trek in the snowy weather in a nice neighbourhood where all the houses look like the Home Alone house and have a little SP photoshoot. Today is the best. 

We have dinner reservations at what I consider my favourite restaurant in Chicago now. The Dearborn. Everyone looks so dressed up and spiffy for the Opera. I’ve over packed and only wore a few items. I knew that would happen. The dress I wanted to wear to the opera had some pleather disintegrating so I had to wear something I always wear but I did feel comfortable and happy. I took awkward photos at the red carpet but I can’t believe I've finally made it to the MCIS opera!

The Chicago Lyric Opera house is easily one of the most stunning buildings I have ever been in. It was totally magical and totally SP. The videos I have of it don’t do it justice. 

The Opera was something like I never expected. It looked incredible. It challenged me. I’m not exactly an opera fan but I appreciate it. The parts that did stand out for me obviously were when Billy sang with a full orchestra and choir. I think I had an out of body experience during To Forgive. What a dream. It was all so worth it. Billy was so happy at the end. I’m so happy for him. 

After the show a bunch of us fans met up for drink. I say drink singular because the bars nearby were on early last call and kinda didn’t want us there but it was so nice to see everyone and recount our adventures. 

MONDAY DEC 1 - THE HUGGING INCIDENTS 1 & 2

Nicki and I are so happy to sleep in. I had been running on fumes and the first day all I wanted to do was land, shower and nap which obviously didn’t happen. We slept in until about 8. I’m a night owl and an early riser which is troublesome at times. 

Nicki has plans to meet up with family and I’m going to go to the Harry Potter store and go to The Comedy Bar. There’s an open mic there tonight and I’d be so proud if I got to say I got to do stand up in one of my favourite cities. A dream come true really. 

It’s snowing. We’re hearing whispers on the news that Chicago is in for another storm. As long as we can fly out tomorrow - please mother nature work with me here - I beg of you.

I go to the Harry Potter store. I don’t really like their merch and I kind of knew that. They don’t really sell what I’d be interested in buying and if you’re following my crush on Alan Rickman you can use your imagination on what that might mean. I bought some chocolates to bring back. 

I enjoy walking around Chicago. It’s snowing, festive and a bit sloppy. I’m only wearing vans. I didn't expect snowmageddon. There’s a Christmas market and decorated trees and storefronts. It’s not much different from home but I’ve always had a nice feeling in Chicago. When I was a kid I always wanted to visit. The Smashing Pumpkins were from there. It felt like a magical place if only I could get there one day from my small town of whatever. That feeling has never left me. I’m happy to be here and I’ve been enough times now so I can just relax.

I go back to The Dearborn to have the best salad of my life (again), some brussels sprouts (again) and a Reuben sandwich (want to have again). I stay a long time savouring my food, some cocktails and the atmosphere. It’s sort of art deco modern cozy. I talk to the bartender. He tries to sell me on a cocktail that has edible ants as the rim. I decline. I hope to go my entire life where I don’t eat bugs. 

I decided to go to a 7-11 to grab a couple ciders to relax before I go to The Comedy Bar. A man down on his luck at the door asks me for some money. I say no. I ask him if he’s hungry. He asks me if I can buy him something. He said he was hoping for some cigarettes. I said no because I’m Canadian and that’s about a million dollars to wait here and I’ll think about it. I go to the back of the store and make sure he’s not following me. I have cash on me but he doesn’t need to see how much I have. I try to get into the liquor fridge. I reef on the door. Oops. It’s locked. On the glass it says “we ID for alcohol.” I go back to the front and I give the man 3 dollars. He’s thankful and tells me he meets a lot of people but that I am truly so beautiful and asks for a hug. I give him a hug. $3 was worth the compliment. He was nice. The store clerk is wondering what the hell is going on. I ask him if he needs to see my ID to open the liquor fridge and he does. I grab a couple ciders and head back to my room. 

One of the funnier things is I saw a “storefront” called “the poetry garage” and I was excited. I thought my hotel was near a cool poetry art house but it turns out it was just a parking garage. Sad. But funny.

At the hotel I did an instagram live for the first time. I’m trying to get more comfortable in front of the camera. It was fun. 

When I leave for The Comedy Bar there’s a shopping cart in the hotel hallway. Normal stuff. The concierge downstairs is playing Lana Del Rey and I start singing it so they turn it up for me. I like this hotel. Everything is feeling whimsy and perfect and weird. 

The mic is called “The Late Mic” but it starts at 7pm. That confused me a bit because our late mics are 10pm+ so I’m curious on my way in. The club is attached to Gino’s East Pizza. Life’s tough.

It’s snowing a lot.

I show up at The Comedy Bar at 7:05 - the show has already started. Not ideal. I wanted to talk to comics and the host of the show before and tell them I was from out of town and would really appreciate a spot but alas. I grab a cider. There’s a list of booked comics on the wall and a bingo raffle thing for open-micers to put their name. I sign up and take a seat. 

There’s a “late nite” desk on stage and a couch. Oh I get it now - this is the format and there’s a band too (a drum machine dude and a guitarist with a neon Steve Vai guitar). The host's monologue is going well. There's about 20 people in the audience but the room was not full. After a few moments the host addresses me “the show was going really well before you came in.” I laugh and say “I’m sorry to ruin it.” “What brings you here tonight?” “I hope to be on the show later.” and he says “Great, we’ll make sure you get on.” Good. Great. I somehow managed to make it known I wanted to be on. The first booked comics are doing long sets 10-15 minutes I’d say and they also do a small couch segment.

There’s an old couple sitting front row and centre. The woman means well but she’s interrupting the show thinking she can comment on the acts. The host does a decent job of handling this. He does mention that the crowd is pretty small and we need them there or he would have asked them to leave already. She’s not drunk but she’s not used to a comedy show. The host asks them why they came by. She says because she thinks her husband is just so funny and she bought him a masterclass on comedy and wanted to take him to a show so maybe one day he would try it. He doesn’t really budge or move or change his demeanour whatsoever. 

One comic mentioned something particularly sad in nature and the woman wanted to (asked) and gave the comic on stage a hug. It sort of became a bit of a gag / game during the show. If your act was sad enough - see if you get a hug from the nice old lady. It happened multiple times. We were going with it. It was completely bonkers. 

After the booked comics the host said “Okay now we are going to have people who have signed up come up on stage for their sets.” I noticed that all these open mic comics knew the running order and they would be on. I asked one of the comics that was on the booked portion what was going on and they showed me they printed a NEW list in the hallway of the names that were chosen from the raffle draw. My name wasn't there, not everyone goes up. I thought damn. I unexpectedly got internally very emotional about this. I REALLY wanted to go up. I settled my tab and continued to watch the show. Maybe the host would remember me and ask if I want to go up last or something if the show isn’t running over.

I talked to one of the booked comics as the show was going on and whispered to her I liked her set, mentioned I was from out of town and was hoping to get on but I didn’t get picked. I think she texted the host. 

During one of the acts the host came out from behind his desk, came up to me and asked me my name again and wrote it down. He said “You’re after Issac” I said “Who’s Issac?” and he pointed to the comic waiting. I was next.  

Thankfully for my set the hugging lady was in the washroom. I was not subject to the possibility of a hug. I did well and had a lot of fun. The audience liked me. I get to say I did comedy in Chicago. 

While on stage an act or two after me asks the couple if they themselves - the couple - would like to hug each other. The woman turns to the man and he doesn’t budge. He hasn’t actually said anything or moved the whole night. The look on her face when the husband would not hug his wife was that of complete devastation. She says “No, No, No” shaking her head as if he just committed the ultimate betrayal, grabs her jacket and leaves. Leaves leaves. Leaves the building leaves. The air is sucked out of the room. The drummer leaves his post to go check on the woman. The host asks the man “What’s going on there?” The man says “I just wanted to come and watch the comedy show.” he finally spoke. 

This is all while a new comic is on stage and trying to do his act. He sits on the couch while this is happening. At the end he does 2 more minutes of material and it's hard to win the audience back. At the end of his set he ends with “Welp, that’s not the worst thing I’ve done tonight.”

I mingle a bit after the show and a woman tells me she liked my set. Said she was at the SP opera last night too. 

Back at the hotel lobby. I text Nicki that I’m back from the show and I have a lot to tell her but I’m going to be a minute because the concierge at the front desk is giving me a tarot reading but I’ll be right up.

The flight home was a breeze and I live to tell the tale. 

If you made it this far - thanks for reading. 

Love,

• Charmaine 

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A Work From Home Day with Charmaine Turner

6:00 AM
You wake up from a nightmare. You’re 41, yet you still dream that you can’t find your shoes for grade 4 gym class for some reason. 

7:00–8:56 AM
You lay in bed doom-scrolling. You remind yourself you should be writing, doing yoga, or cleaning, for some reason you watch OTHER people clean on YouTube instead. 

8:57 AM
Change into a different pair of Pajamas. Brush your teeth. 

8:59 AM
Turn on work laptop.

9:00–10:59 AM
Meetings that could have been emails. 

11:00 AM
You’ve already been thinking about sushi for 2 hours but you’ve had to wait until the sushi shop opens. Order Sushi. Make mental not to see if they sell mercury-poisoning tests on Amazon.

NOON
Try to do self promo, producing or writing comedy. If you have a show that night make your setlist. Shower and try to download a new joke into your brain from the cosmos. Turn the hand held shower faucet on high and BLAST it directly in your ears. You tell yourself every time that you’re not going to do it - and you do it anyway. It’s the best feeling in the world. 

1:00–4:00 PM
Work. You think of all the things you COULD be doing if you didn’t have to do THIS. You remind yourself they are paying you handsomely. Make a mental note to invest in some new technology like sex-robots that might make you rich so one day you won’t have to do anything ever again (other than comedy and I guess having sex with a robot if I wanted to). Ultimately, have gratitude and check yourself. 

4:00 PM
You remember to take your vitamins… with a glass of wine.

5:00 PM
Close work laptop.

5:00.01 PM
Open gaming laptop.

5:01–6:00 PM
Play Hogwarts Legacy you start to daydream and you wonder if the Chicago Harry Potter store sells Snape panties. Feel zero shame for thinking this thought. If they do, you'll buy some when you’re there next week.

6:00 PM ish
Look at Uber Eats and see what you WANT to get and then tell yourself NO! And cook something by just throwing a buncha stuff in a rice cooker and having that. You actually like it. 

7:00–10:00 PM
If you’re lucky, you have a stand-up show. You wonder will this one pay you? You fantasize how it will feel to get paid ones of dollars. If the show goes well, feel great about yourself. If you bomb, question whether you deserve to live. Either way, you’ll probably have a drink about it.

10:00–11:00 PM
Curse your noisy new neighbours. They are either bad drummers or clumsy elephants. When they start singing “Fake Plastic Trees” in Tagalog, you derive they’re bad drummers; At least they like the Radiohead. Every time they’re quiet you wistfully look at your CO2 meter and hope it goes off and that they don’t have one (they die).

1:00–2:00 AM
You start thinking about sleep. You remind yourself not to think about work or life. You queue up a YouTube playlist about black holes explained by handsome Brian Cox. You try to think about smart science stuff but you’re YOU so you also wonder if Brain’s a good kisser. You hope so.

2:00–5:59 AM
Record yourself sleeping because you’re a weirdo and do that. Maybe you’ll do something funny in your sleep that you can post on ig, go viral and get more followers. Maybe you’ll finally catch your sleep paralysis demon that looks like the tales from the crypt keeper dude.

REPEAT.

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WINNIPEG

Monday May 5th, 2025

Last night before the show I went for a late night float in a sensory deprivation float tank. I quite liked it. Not only was the float awesome and I got to feel like I was free falling in Earth’s orbit in a dream-like state - I got to have a hot shower after. The shower at my airbnb has a screwed up faucet, a weird shower head and a bonkers circular sliding door. I have only had one HOT shower since I’ve been here… at the spa. There’s a poster on the wall “tricky faucet turn to 7 o’clock and pull up” I screwed around with that dang thing for 10 minutes before each shower before giving up and telling myself that I could have a military shower. With my mop of hair that’s not always easy and it’s def not enjoyable. 

If anyone has a good recommendation of a float spa in Toronto let me know because I wouldn’t mind doing that again / some more. 

When I saw the float tank I thought I wasn’t claustrophobic “this is way bigger than a MRI” I thought and I turned the light off in the pod. I could see a dim ring around the pod's edge and I felt fine. I had my eyes open but it appeared 99% dark I had a tiny frame of reference but when the lights went completely out I actually panicked. I didn’t expect to. It was so disorienting. And it was a bit hard to breathe / stuffy. I had to turn the lights back on like a big baby and I just kept my eyes closed. That was more comforting to me. If I went again I would work up to having the lights off. I’m not afraid of the dark but it was a bit of a weird sensation and I didn’t expect to feel such a way. I came there to relax and I didn’t want to make it harder for me to do that. My favourite part was trying new positions. You feel completely weightless in 10 inches of water. At one point I got the sensation of falling backwards. I also had the sensation of forgetting where my limbs were and I felt like a floating head with lungs. I got to that cozy feeling of almost about to fall asleep for an extended period of time. I think it’d be cool to sleep in one of these. I read that some people buy 8 hour sessions. That’s an expensive nap. I wondered if future humans would sleep in epsom salt pods. 

I’m up early because someone has been screaming outside for a while. I wish someone that was closer to them would call someone for a wellness check. I can’t make out where it’s coming from and unfortunately I’m not a good enough person to go make it more of my problem. I can’t remember who the comic is but someone has a joke about hearing someone screaming and they go ‘that sounds like… none of my business” I say that a lot in my head and I can’t give credit because I don’t remember who it was. I wish it was me.

It’s nice and sunny today, 23. I’ll go to an afternoon show “best of the fest”, I’ll get a nice meal at a sit down place I think and I’ll maybe see one more attraction. Perhaps an art gallery.

I didn’t QUITE do the food at my airbnb right. I spent about $90 on groceries and I’m sadly going to waste a bit. Half because portions of food are wacky, half because I was feeling gnarly for half the trip and half because I buy food and then don’t want to eat it - but I gave it a good try. Math.

----

I had one of the best meals ever at Clementine yesterday, Braised Duck Chilaquiles. I had to google Chilaquiles. That’s how you know a restaurant is good if you have to look up what things are. Protip: it usually just means “sauce” but in this case it means fried corn tortilla bits.

I want to go back this morning for brunch before I fly out. If I do, I'm gonna get the Lamb Breakfast Sandwich and/or Cashew & Banana Chia Seed Pudding, Strawberry Lime Compôte, Berries, Granola with an iced matcha to go. I know what most of those words mean. 

Then I went to the best of the fest afternoon clean show. I finally met up with Martha and it was great to see her. The show was fantastic. I never get to see Tom Henry even tho I see him a bunch at my work and he was great. Out of everyone I think Tracy had the best set. It wasn’t a competition but I was happy to see it. I’m pretty amazed I saw her do different sets each time I saw her. It’s inspiring for me to keep going. I kept thinking I hope I get to do this fest one year. If I keep working at it I think it’s attainable. Maybe in a few years. Something to aim for. 

I fly out this afternoon. My flight here was really so enjoyable that I’m looking forward to reading on the quick flight back. That said, I also had gravol on my way over (as I always do - because the only time I didn’t have gravol before a flight my friend barfed on landing) but I had to take it during my gnarly feels during this trip. When I say I packed light I really did. I counted the exact melaton’s I’d need, gravols etc. I can spare one extra pill next time. 

Last night I was refreshing the Winnipeg jets score. I saw it was 3-1 beginning of the 3rd and then 3-3. So I tuned into the radio for the OT. Was cool to hear them win in double overtime and have the city around me erupt.

I’ve enjoyed having this down time. I feel like I’ve been SO busy for SO long. I like being busy but everyone deserves a break. I had low expectations of myself and Winnipeg and I think it’s what I needed. I look forward to some trips this summer, writing retreats, camping with friends, much video dance parties - the whole lot. Maybe I’ll write about those. 

I hope it’s great and I hope you’re great too.

Back to yuks tomorrow. I hope I have a new joke to try. 

I guess that’s it for now. Rock on.

Sunday May 4th, 2025

Okay so the spooky stuff - the other night when I was back in my airbnb late - I heard 3 incredibly loud bangs on the wall. Not ghost bangs, def the kind of bangs that are like hey neighbour shut the hell up bangs. So I hated that. They couldn’t have meant me - I was just reading. So, did I get a huge kitchen knife and sit in my airbnb wondering what my internet history (re: instagram for you page) was going to look like to my loved ones after I was murdered? Yes. Did I then take a melatonin and eventually fall asleep. Also yes. 

Then, last night after I was looking at homicide maps of Winnipeg (as I shouldn’t have done - all because Brady texted me that he hoped I was having fun in the Murder Capital of Canada. Thanks Brady! Didn’t need to know that. Love ya buddy.) I was sleeping with the window open and the fake flowers on the windowsill fell out of the window and onto the floor which terrified me. It was windy. Did I freeze in bed desperately trying to remember if there was a fire escape outside that reached me on the 3rd floor? Yes. Did I eventually fall asleep listening to a youtube video about black holes? Also yes. 

My life’s goal is to NOT end up a true crime but if I do - I hope you get a sexy man to narrate my docuseries. That’s what I would have wanted.

I went to The Debaters show last night as part of Winnipeg Comedy Festival. I’m thankful Martha Chaves invited me as a plus 1 because the show was sold out and my pass doesn’t get me into sold out shows. It was delightful. Silly topics like “Are jeans the best pant?” debated by comedy pros hosted by Steve Patterson who is so charming and silly and likable. I had a great time. 

This whole trip I’ve felt SLIGHTLY nauseous. Not full-on sick but a bit like a funk and a bad smell in the air but maybe it’s coming from inside my skull? I have an extremely high sense of smell and I can’t tell if Winnipeg smells like burnt sugar or if I have a brain tumor. Time will tell. I think that mung bean noodle sauce at the beginning of the trip really tasted SO toxic that I haven’t been able to shake the memory of it. I had to double bag the garbage and get rid of it - I’m not exaggerating, it was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced that was so-called “food”.

I hope you’ve been enjoying reading my blog. I’ve been sad and not writing as many jokes but this feels like a good way to do something creative and kinda get to use that same brain muscle. 

I had a delicious hot dog with seaweed nori on it from a food truck. All I want to eat is seaweed. 

Last night the Dark & Dirty show was fantastic. I thought Bryan Hatt was a hilarious host. I got to see some comics I’ve never seen before. Jackie Pirico is always a delight and a stand out for me was Shirley Gnome. I haven’t laughed that hard in a LONG time. I was in tears. What a complete and utter delight - I hope they have an album out so I can check it out or more videos. I’m a new fan. 

Well, it’s 7am and I’m up now to read about black holes before setting out. It's my last full day here. 

Rock on - have a good one!

Saturday May 3rd, 2025

Yesterday morning my Uber driver kept saying 1 min to pick me up - but they weren't moving. When they finally got to me they apologized and I asked him what happened. I wasn't mad, just friendly and curious. He was in line for an ice cream cone. I respect that. It was finally warm here and the man wanted ice cream. He said he didn’t know if I wanted one lol.

The kitty cats at the cat cafe were nice guys. Well, one kitty wasn’t really a nice guy - he was kinda spicy to the other kitties. The shop was this whimsy place that felt like a ship hull-tavern from diagon alley. I’m a sucker for warm lighting. You enter through a secret bookshelf door to hang out with the kitties. It was nice but it would have been even better if there wasn’t some mom and her kid that both never shut up there too - but what can you do? I had a delicious vietnamese cold brew coffee then I headed to the museum and planetarium. I saw a showing about native stories about the constellations. I love planetariums but I was more in the mood for science-y space stuff not folklore legends. Still enjoyable. There was a single dad with a litter of children behind me and his kids kept kicking the chairs, shaking my whole row. Instead of saying anything I just moved to another row. That man had enough going on with 4 or more kids he doesn’t need some middle aged woman (me) ragging on him. I hope his kids had a great time. 

Then I went for a walk. I have been on a mission to buy a thin sweater. The weather here is just cool enough but I don’t want to wear my jacket (it doesn’t breathe so I get kinda sweaty). I haven’t found anything. I did want to buy a Filter zip up hoodie but it was $100 and had some skull on the back. I don’t really do skulls. 

I went into a couple record shops. I didn’t SEE anything I wanted. I did HEAR something good and I secretly shazammed the song I was digging so the clerks didn’t know I wasn’t cool enough to not know the song and band by name already and it took a few tries. Sludgey stoner rock tune: Shootingguns - Harmonic Steppenwolf. Here it is for you so you can feel cool. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebvBJe1o138

Then I went into this wildly claustrophobic book store. I bought a book I’m rather happy about: “In Search of Schrodinger’s Cat” by John Gribbon. I don’t know anything about John Gribbon other than he has a PhD in astrophysics and this is one of those books that tries to explain quantum mechanics in everyday terms. I’m not smart in that I can't do the math (I guess I've never tried) but I def got interested in this stuff in the pandemic - I found it so comforting. It was a weird time - that continues I guess.

I stopped for lunch on a patio and I had this awesome cauliflower gnocchi that didn’t have potatoes! Having a sensitivity to white potatoes has gotta be the stupidest thing goin’ but alas. The food was very good. Aside from the bee that was also interested in my dead horse cider. I told my waitress that if she sees me flailing and running away it’s because of the bee but I would make it back and pay my bill - not to worry - I’m just really afraid of bees. I asked the waitress where the good thrifting was. She was a goth and I was wearing an Offspring t-shirt so I think she gave me a good recommendation. I’ll find out tomorrow, maybe.

Part of me wants to fly home early to see Maron Saturday in Toronto. There’s still a few tickets left but I’ve already travelled all around this whole dang Earth for that man - maybe I can chill for once.

I don’t really have plans today. I think I might go thrifting, read outside if it’s nice by the river and see if I can find a decent meal before heading to a comedy show. 

Some spooky stuff happened but you’ll have to wait for tomorrow for that update. Bye for now.

Friday May 2nd, 2025

I had a grand ole time yesterday at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. I got to see the crowd work show. It was pretty rowdy. Winnipeg sure is full of a buncha very drunk white women. I was actually concerned for one of the comics (the one right before Tracy Hamilton) when a drunk woman came up to the front of the stage, plopped her purse on the stage and started challenging the comic. She was black out drunk. The comic handled it very well but I was concerned there was no security. The comic (Wassim El-Mounzer) kinda smashed because it was so absurd. Then adorable Tracy Hamilton came out and her vibe was welcome but it was def like your drunk aunt had just ruined thanksgiving dinner and then someone says “So, how ‘bout them Leafs?”

Jon Dore closed the show. I liked seeing a pro not have material. Also, he mentioned The Smashing Pumpkins and ended on an interesting note. I like that guy.

The after party was nice. It was funny to see so many people from Toronto. I’m happy to see so many people I like from the scene doing well. 

I also got to say hi to Elvira Kurt. She’s someone I’ve wanted to see do comedy proper for a long time. That was cool.

They served pizza from A Little Pizza Heaven and I quite liked the Hawaiian. I just want to shout out a local shop.

Everyone I met was really nice. I also really liked the hosts from Vancouver who brought the crowd work show format from Vancouver to the Winnipeg Comedy Fest, Nash Park and Alexandra Forman, check out their ig: @ok_dope_ I was chatting with them saying I hoped they came to Toronto sometime.

Okay. I’m off to get some coffee and pet some cats. Toodles.

Thursday, May 1st, 2025

Last night I bought liverwurst but it’s not the kind that I am used to / like. I wasn’t feeling so hot so everything was grossing me out. Or maybe I’m just gross because I like liverwurst in the first place? 

I didn’t do much yesterday except watch science videos in my underwear to be honest. I went for a bit of a walk. Today I went for a massage and I’m happy about that. 

I guess I made the posters for Dumpster Fire. Kinda bummed that I won’t be on that show Monday but I fly back to Toronto that day and I’m not sure I will feel like doing stand up. Maybe I’ll go watch. I successfully have taken a few weeks off stand up as intended. My first time since really starting in 2022.

This morning I walked to the book store but they didn’t have what I wanted (you guessed it Brian Cox books). So, I checked the google play books store online and I used my saved money from google opinion rewards surveys to get an audiobook that he narrates. Oddly, there’s books he’s written that he DIDN'T narrate. What a waste of a gorgeous voice. 

Tonight I’m hoping to get into the crowd work show for the Winnipeg comedy festival. That’s the show I wanted to see the most while I was here and it’s pretty cool they added Jon Dore to the lineup. 

Anyway, I’m off to go get a milkshake and then to the show. Toodles.

Wednesday, April 30th 2025

I'll figure out how to update the formatting of this blog page properly when I redo my website.

Yesterday I walked around and did some shopping. I keep thinking that Winnipeg's sidewalks are all disintegrating and covered in debris and uneven. In the winter it must be a nightmare to walk around. I imagine it gets very icy in all the dips. I find it pretty interesting they have one way streets in a lot of downtown that are 4 lanes across. I wonder if traffic ever gets bad here. I find the buildings so low and spread out and many of them are empty. It reminds me of Detroit or Hamilton but less diverse.

I walked to Wild Planet Music. I got a cool Smashing Pumpkins patch and tool patch for my new backpack. The backpack is black with red stitching and the patches are red and black so I think it’s going to look pretty nifty. Red’s my least favourite colour but you’ll know it’s my bag. It’s a simple thing but this bag is bringing me a lot of joy. Gratitude.

Then, I went to pick up my Winnipeg Comedy Festival pass at Gas Station Theatre. That went smooth enough but I had a weird uber experience after. Buddy tried to pick me up in the wrong car and license plate. So I didn’t get in and reported him. That was annoying because I didn’t wear a jacket and apparently it's still winter here. I was just going to pop in and get my pass and go back to my place. So I called another uber. 

I didn't go to a comedy show last night. I saw on instagram Richard Patrick posted Filter just played Saskatoon so I was stoked that they were in Winnipeg last night! But my night didn’t go according to plan. I thought doors were 7:30. Ticketmaster said 7. I showed up at 7:25 and Filter had already played. Guy beside me in the crowd said they went on stage BEFORE 7! Ugh. When I showed up and I heard a woman say to her friend “There’s one more band and then it’s bush.” I thought drats I missed Rival Sons. But nope. I missed Filter. Sad. Rival Sons were fine but I admit I was bummed about Filter. Bush x were good. I still call them Bush x. A literal seven foot tall man in front of me and his gf left and that made my view great (I had floor seats). She wasn’t well but that was good for me. Good vibes to her tho. Feel better girl!

I keep thinking things should be cheaper here but they’re not - they’re city or import prices for sure. The concert tickets weren’t bad. That’s the sort of thing that they should hike the prices up on. I’m not sure they have other things to do here? This might be a long week for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have fun wherever I go and I'm sure this city is amazing but... What am I gonna do go to the museum of Human Rights? For fun? I can do my own suffering.

Today I might do the river walk. I also bought a new video game V Rising. It was 50% off and I think I’ll like it. I tried it for a few mins but maybe I shouldn’t play video games on “vacation” maybe I'll make it to a comedy show tonight. Funny how I’m so blasé about this whole trip just wanderin’ about. 

Okay toodles.

Tuesday, April 29th 2025:

I have the list ready for yuks. I just need someone I can trust to sign people in. Hoping Evan can do it if Mark Edwards can’t. I’m so happy I packed light for this trip. My new backpack I got will work well for gigs too. I can fit in tripods and mics and cameras oh my! I wish I brought my Alan Rickman book to read but I’m also happy I might read True Blood (digitally on my phone). The Winnipeg Comedy fest officially starts tonight. I’ll have to go pick up my pass. 

I tried mung bean noodles for the first time - I made them for breakfast. The noodles I quite like but the pre-made sauce tastes like lime scented cleaner with a hint of chili. Will have to make my own sauce next time. It’s kinda like japchae. I'm old so I am excited to see what Safeway is like. I've never been to one. 

I'll update more later I'm just trying to see how to make a blog on google sites when it's migrated to square space...

If you made it here somehow please follow me on ig. That matters when you're trying to be a comedian. Thanks. https://www.instagram.com/charmingturnip

Monday, April 28th 2025: 

My flight was great. The woman beside me knew someone who was painfully shy and now does stand up. She's happy for him. Mike K? Matt K? Winnipeg comic. There was a tiny dog in a carrier beside me. Bonus. It's colder here than Toronto and Toronto has barely been warm. The liquor store is bilingual and has to be. They ID you like you’re going to buy illegal drugs. To get in they buzz you in and check your license. The clerk inside always wishes he tried comedy. Dark Horse cider rules. I had this amazing ginger pear one at the forks market. The forks market is cute. I see jewellery I want to buy myself. My airbnb is fine and located well enough. It’s a bit alarming when your airbnb says outwardly that it DOESN'T promote human trafficking. I thought that was implied. I love travelling. This town is a bit beat up but I am happy to be here. I want to travel more. I went to bed early, I’m a little bit under the weather.